Babies Don't Keep and Books Don't Write Themselves

Juggling Life's Demands

This past year, my online presence quieted as I focused on the things right in front of me: specifically, a baby who went from sitting to crawling to walking (to running!) and a book that went from rough draft to final copy. Both required a lot of my time and attention and at times overwhelmed me to the point of tears.

With the rest of my free time (aka margins that hardly existed), I homeschooled my older daughters (3 full time and 1 part time), made home cooked meals, chauffeured kids to activities (debatably, this is where I may have spent most of my time), invested in relationships at our new church, checked off a few more National Park visits and books on my TBR, and agonized over how to raise a teenager.

There’s no easy way to prioritize the busyness of life. What I do know is that this past year, I felt immense pressure from so many good and important things. As aware as I was that books don’t write themselves, and I was going to need to put in the time and energy to finish my book to be publication ready, I also was aware that babies don’t keep, and every day seemed to be an agonizing reminder of time slipping by as my baby changed too quickly for my heart to keep up.

There were days I wanted to hire a sitter and leave the house to work on my book like a normal 9-5 job. But there were even more days that I wanted to quit my book and just be present all the time with my growing baby. I don’t care anymore about being a published author! I’d think on those days, as if I hadn’t spent 30 years dreaming of seeing my name on a book cover.

In the end, it was a little give and take, a little consistency, a little letting go, and a whole lot of perseverance that allowed me to make room for both my baby and my book, along with the other good things in my life.

Did I sacrifice during this season? Oh yes! I rarely had time for physical exercise or consistent self-care, I didn’t bake and make as many meals as I have in the past, my sleep was not at its peak, and our homeschool days lacked some of the creativity it had known prior.

But I was able to complete a book, spend most hours each day with my baby, homeschool my daughters, and care for my family and home, while even maintaining friendships and taking a few trips.

Prioritizing isn’t easy in busy seasons, but here are some guidelines I use as I consider how to use my time:

• What is non-negotiable?

• What most grabs my heart?

• What can be let go?

• What can be scaled back?

As I consider these questions, I remember that this is for a season. I knew the type of busyness that I had while raising a baby and writing a book wasn’t sustainable long-term, but for a season it was. This helped me make decisions in prioritizing, because I knew these decisions didn’t need to be forever.

What is non-negotiable? For me, my book deadlines were non-negotiable. I absolutely had to reach my deadlines, so I had to find a way to get in the time necessary for writing. Sometimes this meant I left for a coffee shop to write when deadlines were nearing. Other times it meant I stayed up late after the kids were in bed, snuck in writing while kids were at activities, and used the baby’s nap time for writing. At times it was exhausting to use all my free time for writing, but I again reminded myself that this was necessary in this season. Another non-negotiable for me was nursing my baby. I breastfed her because I love to, but she also did not take a bottle easily. This meant that when she was really young, it was difficult to get away, but as she got older and nursed less, it became easier.

What most grabs my heart? For certain, my kids grab my heart most. I absolutely believe in the importance of being present while raising them. I want to be with my baby as she reaches new milestones, I want to watch my kids learn and perform in activities, and I want to be there when my teenager decides to talk with me for half an hour when I’m preparing to go to bed. Even though I knew these things could be negotiable, and at times I did need to choose working on writing over being present, I leaned into these moments as much as possible because they are important to me.

What can be let go? Some things must be let go completely and other things must be handed off to a partner or a supportive family member or friend. During this time, I had to let go of reading much for my own personal enjoyment, and I missed a lot of my book club meetings because I couldn’t make time for the reading. I also handed off dinner duties some nights and began having my daughters take care of or help with their laundry. As I began focusing on the editing portion of my book, I let go of my magazine editing job that I had had for 6 years. While I loved that job, I knew it was time for me to let it go so that I could focus on writing.

What can be scaled back? I enjoy baking and cooking, but it’s time consuming. I had to scale back in the kitchen—I hardly made any bread during this season of my life, and I made simpler and often less healthy meals. At times I felt guilty, but I simply couldn’t do it all. I also scaled back in our homeschool. We didn’t do any artist studies last year, and we didn’t memorize poetry together. Science was also scaled back. I knew that scaling back on these subjects for one year wouldn’t hurt my children long-term.

These questions guided me through my busy season, and as it turned out, I completed my book and turned it into my publisher (with much excitement and relief in my heart!), and I got to hold and snuggle my baby each day (and I still wonder how she can be so big!).

Life is good. And sometimes it’s so good that we have to figure out how to fit it all in the 24-hour days we’re given. Time is on our side when we prioritize our days.