Cheers to an Unknown Future

I’ve never really been a resolutions girl.

Mostly because I tend to make changes and devote my time to something when I decide I want to, and that could be any time of the year. Typically once I’ve set my mind to something, I act upon it right away. And sometimes that happens to be January 1, but often it is at other times throughout the year.

But, I still anticipate a new year. I dream of what it may bring and choose a word that I want to define that year.

Life is an interesting masterpiece of planning and releasing. I believe the healthiest life is one that finds a balance between the two. I have lived in all parts of that spectrum, though. At one point during my ultra-conservative Christian days when I was a huge fan of George Mueller, a missionary to China, I felt strongly that the best life to live was one where you planned nothing and trusted God completely. I was convinced by reading about George’s life that this was the only way to live that really showed you trusted God. I have also lived in ways where I tried to control everything, particularly the people around me, in hopes that I could create the outcomes I wanted. Both were unhealthy.

The reality is that we can’t know what tomorrow will bring. But we still have a responsibility to live each day intentionally, and to live in the moment means we also are aware that there will be a tomorrow. And most likely, we will be here for the dawn of that tomorrow.

Thirteen years ago, I gave birth to my oldest daughter. At that time, I had no idea that within the next five years, I would have three more daughters. As I look back now, though, I can hardly remember a time when my life wasn’t lived alongside four growing girls. In the next two months, I expect to give birth to my fifth daughter. Seven years ago when I gave birth to my youngest daughter, I assumed she was my last. I didn’t anticipate this little one who would follow many years later.

I’ve always wanted to be an author but didn’t anticipate that my first book would be about divorce. I didn’t anticipate divorce as part of my story at all when I got married the first time in 2008. And I certainly didn’t anticipate on the first day of 2020 that within months, the world would be shutting down and we’d be wearing masks in public places.

Last year, I anticipated that I would get engaged and married, and I did. I anticipated that I was going to write a book, and I did write most of it, though it took more time and work than I realized! I didn’t anticipate at all that I would get pregnant.

This year, I anticipate that I will have a homebirth and spend many hours caring for and loving a baby. I anticipate that I will continue to homeschool. I anticipate that I will sign a book deal and finish writing my book. I’m anticipating attending a few weddings and a Trevor Hall concert and continuing to write and edit for Wild + Free. I hope to do a little gardening and start on my next book, too, and hopefully hit up at least one new National Park.

Planning the Life we Want

If I want these things to take place, it takes planning and intentionality. They won’t just magically happen (other than the birth of the baby—she’s coming whether I’m ready or not!).

There’s the planning stage—time to consider what I want my year and my life to be like. To consider what’s possible, to look at a calendar, to determine what goals are at the top of my list and how I can make time for them.

There’s the preparing stage—where I put in the work to make things happen. Since I want to homeschool, I need to prepare books and resources ahead of time. Since I plan to give birth, I need to have baby items ready now. Since my husband and I want to attend a Trevor Hall concert, we already put it on our calendars and he got the tickets. Last year, preparing involved putting together a book proposal and looking for a literary agent.

Then there’s the action stage—where we actually do what we say we want to do. We write the book. (And get it published!) We birth a baby. We visit the National Park. We plant the seeds. We educate our kids.

Pivoting for the Unknown

Inevitably, life happens. People make choices that affect our lives. Sickness occurs that we can’t anticipate. An exciting opportunity suddenly appears. We make new friends. And in these moments, we pivot. We release our control and open our hands to what life may bring us that we hadn’t anticipated.

It’s here that we insert our wisdom. Sometimes we must dramatically change our plans. When I got a divorce in 2020, it changed the future I had anticipated in significant and lasting ways. Many of my plans had to change as well. Realizing I was pregnant last year didn’t change my plans to write a book, but it did push me to write faster and also affected my ability to do so when I felt sick and tired.

While in the moment pivoting often feels difficult and sometimes even devastating, there are many times where it is these exact detours that lead to some of the most beautiful and important parts of our lives.

I don’t know exactly what this year will bring. Or what my life will bring. But I have hopes and dreams, ideas and plans. I set them intentionally and hold them loosely.

I raise my glass (of kombucha) to a new year and all that this year may bring, both planned and unplanned. Cheers!

* Top photo by Emma Lynn Photo