Honoring the Mothers
I stepped into the role of motherhood two days after I turned 23. I've hardly had an adult life where I wasn’t a mother. For so many years, I didn’t think anything of it. Becoming a wife and then a mother were the natural steps you took in adulthood, when coming from both a Christian background and living in the midwest. Many of my friends followed the same path.
In recent years, I’ve made more friends who have either decided not to have kids or have chosen to wait to have kids. And what I’ve learned is that motherhood is its own career. It’s a set of skills and learned habits and abilities that not everyone has.
Sometimes we take for granted the skills that mothers have…
The ability
…to soothe a crying baby
…to cook dozens of meals
…to cook for large gatherings (multiply those fish & loaves!)
…to hear and manage other’s emotions
…to plan and host parties
…to buy gifts and facilitate group gifts
…to schedule multiple appointments and arrive at them (mostly on time)
…to manage multiple children
…to chauffeur kids to practices and games
…to wash and fold laundry
…to manage money
…to clean a house
Often it’s assumed mothers are just born with these gifts, but we are not. We learn them. Sometimes because we desire to, but often because we are required to when children begin filling our home.
Not all mothers have the ability to do all of the above, but most can do many of them.*
It’s a job that requires a broad range of abilities but often little pay, even in the form of thanks. For this reason, motherhood can be so exhausting.
Lately, I’ve leaned into the acknowledgement that motherhood is both and. It’s highly rewarding and fulfilling and it’s exhausting and draining.
I’ve leaned into the question of what does it mean to truly support mothers? Our capitalistic society isn’t set up to support mothers in the ways we need, nor is it a system that is designed to extrinsically reward mothers for the amount of skills they have or hours they log.
And yet, I continue to believe this is some of my most important work
This post isn’t about suggesting solutions (many others have done so); it’s just about acknowledging what is. To simply sit in this space where we feel deeply the greatness of mothers as well as the overwhelming magnitude of what is expected of them.
The irony of this post is that I had planned to post this before mother’s day. You know, relevant content and all. I started writing it, but then a baby and homeschooling and dance recitals required my time and it sat unfinished for a couple of weeks. I’ve been a mother for thirteen years now, and I’m learning to let go of what doesn’t get done… to lean into the needs of the moment and honor myself in recognizing that it can’t all get done.
It’s okay to love being a mother and to admit that it’s too much. It’s okay to find this as some of your most fulfilling work and to desire that it came with more external rewards.
Currently, I have a baby who requires a lot from me as I breastfeed her and soothe her when she's sad. I have older kids whom I homeschool and drive to activities, though caring for their hearts and guiding their souls are perhaps most time-consuming of all. I love all of these connections with my children so much, and yet, I also find myself overwhelmed and drained at times, and it can be difficult to make time for my own needs amidst it all. I’m constantly seeking what it looks like to make sure I am cared for.
What I’ve realized lately is that though I need and am deeply thankful for help in my work as a mother, sometimes all I need is to be seen. I know the work I do is good and important even if I am not seen, but being valued for the time and care I put into raising these humans significantly impacts me.
Honor the mothers… they are raising the next generation, and boy, is that not light work!
*Fathers and women without children have some or all of these abilities, too, at times… this post is not to discount them, but rather to honor and recognize that mothers most frequently carry them.